Baby Tucker and the Fisher Price Whore

Tuck has received a ton of much appreciated gifts, including an awesome crib, a closet full of diapers (which will be used until we can afford the fancy cloth diapers that I truly covet), a ton of baby clothes, and a swing. I love each and everyone of the gifts and I’m very grateful. Except for the swing.

Don’t get me wrong it’s a nice swing. It’s brand spanking new fresh out the box. Tucker loves the swing. He loves it so much that sometimes it’s the only thing that can calm him down. I feed him. I rock him. I cradle him. I coo to him. I do everything I can get him to calm down. But no. He wants the swing.

I want to nap with my baby. He’s a month old now. For three weeks he was my snuggle buddy, I would rest him on the crook of my arm and we would catnap together. I love it.

But then the swing came. I made the mistake (if you would call it one) of letting him nap in it while I ran around doing chores. Honestly it was nice, he doesn’t like it when I lay him down in his bassinet. He fusses and won’t hang out or nap. Which is ok, I use it as a diaper changing station more than anything.

Maybe it’s because there’s nothing cool to look at in the bassinet. The mobile is crap and the music is really terrible. I’m sure by now he is as tired of popcorn ceilings as I am. But the swing has a cool mobile with bees and a neat little mirror so he can see himself. And I’m not even going to lie, the music is damn catchy. It’s a swank swing and my baby has good taste.

He won’t nap with me now. He squiggles and squirms, and is having none if the stationary dormancy that a nap with mommy entails. Once a day he has a fit, like major cry your head off super pissed for no reason fit. (Maybe it’s colic?) Again, I do everything I can to soothe him. Usually toward the end of the fit he will start to nod off, realize that he’s falling asleep in mom’s arms, and keep crying. Then I put him in the swing (because at this point my shirt is soaked from my boobs leaking because of the crying, he’s been crying for over an hour, and I’ve had to pee for a good while now.). He pipes down and goes straight to sleep.

Stupid Whore Swing turning my baby boy against me and my loving embrace.

But the truth is I need the swing. The swing let’s me do things I normally have to wait for Jessy to get off work to do. I can use the bathroom without him fussing because I put him in his bassinet. I can do the dishes that Jessy gripes are always dirty (Seriously babe? A little insensitive). I can, dare I say for fear of judgement, take a nap! I hate that I need it. I hate that I’m not Supermom- able to calm a crying infant. I hate that my baby doesn’t want my nap-time snuggles anymore. I just can’t compete with Fisher Price. So I guess thank you Jessy’s coworker who gave us the swing. Without it I wouldn’t be able to write this.

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On Friendship

Ever notice how as your life changes people float in and out? A quick “hey” on Facebook is enough to keep in touch for some. But for others it isn’t so easy. I will admit if I didn’t see a friend in awhile, I would think they probably had other things going on and didn’t have time to put up with the long distance friendship package that is myself. So I would let them float like a message in a bottle, hoping that they’d find someone else to hear what they had to say. Someone who could be there.

I don’t like to be that way. I want to be friends, so much so that it makes me guilty that I’m not there to be a better friend. Maybe letting people float is easier than dealing with the guilt. I think to myself “Maybe someday when I get the money, I will make a trip to visit”. Who am I kidding? We are broke, and will probably be broke with this baby here for a good while. But nevertheless I dream of buying an RV (especially one of those super swank ones with showers and king size beds and an awesome kitchen), throwing my husband and gently placing my baby inside, and going on a Tour de Friends. I dream of traveling around the country and hanging out with everyone who’s friendship I cherish so much that it’s heartbreaking to not be able to see them every week, month, or year.

My friends mean a lot to me. I want to be able to keep up with each and every one of them. Sometimes it’s hard, I’ve had my fair share of changed numbers, and moved around quite a bit. The fact that most everyone I want to keep up with is at least a state away, sometimes on the other side of the country, makes it pretty hard. I planned trips, tried to visit. But then things came up. Like a baby. Or finances that didn’t quite work out. I was disappointed that I couldn’t go. I was disappointed in myself.

I felt like I had let people down. I felt like a bad friend. I knew I wasn’t. I knew I couldn’t help the things that came up. I wondered why they put up with me.

I realize now though, that’s what friends do. There are those people out there worth keeping up with, the ones who you grab on to so they don’t float away. Even if you think that you’re one big bucket of lame sauce, your friends think you are special. And that makes them worth it.

A good friend is really hard to come by. I’m so lucky that I have the ones I have. So I keep trying, keep planning those trips. Eventually one will work out, and my friends will forgive me for a the trips that don’t. I will keep in touch. I won’t let them float away.

A special thank you to Cassandra Schield who unknowingly taught me about myself and true friendship these past couple of days. I’m so lucky to know you.

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Cliche & Lovin’ It

Two weeks ago I had my little baby boy. His name is Tucker and he is the love of my life.

I used to roll my eyes and gag at all the lovey pictures and professions of eternal love from people and their new babies. “What’s the big deal? It’s just a baby.” Ok so maybe I was a bit callous, but I had six younger brothers and sisters, bottles and diapers got old fast when I was younger.

I would like to take this moment to formally apologize to everyone I’ve ever felt that way towards in the past… And I would like to take this moment to apologize to everyone who feels how I used to feel because I’m probably going to annoy the snot out of you over the next year…. And moving on!

Tucker is the most interesting thing I think I’ve ever experienced. I think I can say the same for Jessy too. I was a bit nervous about how Jessy would interact with the baby.

I know that’s an awful thing to say, let me digress so I don’t look like an ass. I love my husband, but for the most part he isn’t overly emotional and lovey. Which isn’t a bad thing, it makes the lovey moments more special when they happen. And it also makes him easier to get along with, because I prefer rational people (even if I’m not always rational myself). I was scared that the baby wouldn’t get the lovey from Jessy on the level that I know I can give, scared that Tucker might not bond with daddy like I think he should.

Boy was I wrong. Jessy has surprised me by jumping into the “Daddy” role pretty much instantaneously. He talks to baby, takes care of baby, and even asked if he was doing enough to help. I accidentally dropped my phone on baby (I’m a terrible person I know), and while he didn’t cry and wasn’t hurt, Jessy still took baby and cooed over him for a good ten minutes. He’s a great daddy and a fantastic husband.

I feel complete. I have a family. I don’t think I could love them any more even if I tried to. I was scared that I would feel like my life is over, my goals and dreams out the window. Instead I feel like those goals and dreams aren’t worth my time, I’d rather be spending time with Tucker anyway. I’m really thankful to my husband for taking care of the finances while I get to stay home with baby. If I had to work I would, but I would be sad to be away from him.

Speaking if sad, his crying sends me over the edge. The other night we were on our way home. I had forgotten his backup bottle at home, (breastfeeding) and he started to cry because he was hungry. Obviously I couldn’t pull him out and feed him in a moving car, and we were so close to home that it didn’t really make sense to pull over on the side of the road (which is unsafe anyway, we were on a major trucker route). So he cried, and it hurt me. I felt so helpless. My baby was hungry and it was my fault for forgetting his bottle. I was close to tears before I crawled in the back and gave him his pacifier at least, which held him over till we got home. I never thought crying would bother me this much. It makes me feel like I’m failing as a parent, which I know is ridiculous. Jessy later confided that he doesn’t like it when baby cries either. We both feel the same way.

So there. I feel cliche, I am cliche. But I don’t give a rats patootie because my baby’s opinion is the only one I want. I could be shunned from society and hated by everyone in the world, so long as my family loves me.

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7 Not So Glamorous Things About Not Being Pregnant

Ok, grammar train wreck of a title aside, I had my baby! Woohoo! And now I’m not pregnant anymore obviously. So as my body comes to terms with not being a whale, (which I guess is good because I was tired of krill) I’m gonna go ahead and tell you all about the ahem, fun stuff you potentially get to deal with.

The Urge To Pee

Or lack thereof! After pushing a small melon out you may notice it deadens your senses. Specifically the sense that tells you it’s time to go. So to avoid peeing yourself, pencil it into your schedule. Every two hours is a good start if you’re the forgetful type. And try not to look at the potty before you’re actually sitting. Your bladder might not trigger the urge to go, but for some reason your brain can. Lovely.

Pads

About a month before, start stocking up. You’re uterus doesn’t need all the good stuff keeping baby safe and sound. So WHABLAM! Instant period. Every lady is different, but you’ll be bleeding a few weeks. I’m lucky my hubby works at a hospital, and has access to plenty of pads on the free side. But seriously stock up. Everyone is busy thinking about the babies needs, sometimes your postpartum needs don’t get thought about. Lady wipes are nice to have too so you don’t have to dip into your baby’s stock.

No More Sex

Say waaaaat? Just kidding, this one should be a given. Your doctor will want you to wait till they give you the clear. And you might not want to, it just depends on you. And that’s totally cool too. But if for some reason your libido is going haywire and you just can’t wait to jump the bones of your partner, you can still do other things ;). Just clear it with your doctor what you can do in the meantime. You’re still closing up down there, and the chance of infection is something to consider. Play it safe y’all.

Exhausted

And with good reason! You just had a baby! But I totally made the mistake of overdoing it and went grocery shopping two days after I had mine. I was on my feet for an hour or two but it totally exhausted me. Probably should have thought about that a bit more. Everyone is different (I had stitches- more on that in a minute) but it would be a good idea to pace yourself. Do your shopping before baby comes if you can to avoid having to get out and about.

All Stitched Up

Aaaand if you’re really unlucky, the suture fairy might need to pay a visit to your lower regions. If you have an episiotomy, I am reaaallllyy sorry for you dear. Mine tore, a 1 on a scale of 1-4. So I’m only mildly uncomfortable at this moment. But pain is pain. Doctor said no driving for two weeks, and to try and stay off my feet. It’s hard because I have random bursts of energy. Ask the doctor about a prescription for the pain, and milk of magnesia (to help with bathroom time) and take it easy. Baths probably should be avoided, especially if your stitches dissolve over time. Keep them clean and dry the best you can. And don’t lift anything heavier than your baby (Especially not at 33 pound bag of fertilizer. Just sayin’)

Bon Appetit!

I totally thought my appetite would decrease at least a little bit. Nerp, I still want mass amounts of food. Like half a red velvet cake with cream cheese icing in one day (Yeah I’m that naughty). But it’s totally justifiable because I gots to feed my baby right? RIGHT??? A nutritionist told me that as long as I eat a variety of foods, get my fruits and veggies I should be ok. Although sugary crap probably shouldn’t be eaten in excess.

Express Yourself!

The whole breastfeeding thing can be a lot harder than people let on. There’s so many things to factor in, baby position, proper latch, and so on. My nipples got bruised the first couple of days, and then lefty got swollen and engorged. I took a break for a day and gave my baby formula while I worked on hand expressing my bruised, swollen boobs. Engorgement is a very big possibility, so do the smart thing and buy at least a manual pump before baby comes. I waited until day 6, and trust me I was MISERABLE. I finally got a manual and my life is now sunshine and rainbows (and diapers). Some people say giving baby bottles will make him not want boobie. I’m not sure that’s entirely true, mine likes bottles, boob, and pacifier. I’m lucky he isn’t a picky dude, it gives me the opportunity to give my boobs a break, and feed him milk I’ve pumped. I might still be having latching issues, or breastfeeding might just be damn uncomfortable for me. But at least I’ve got options.

Bonus Exclusive on Swelling

I totally changed my mind about the epidural once my water broke and I felt a real contractions. I thank the good doctor for the drugs. I will have to give him a card or something. But after the three or four bags of fluids, and the medicine from the epidural, my feet turned to pillows and my fingers to sausages. Bring slippers in your go home bag, shoes might not be your thing. It’s a time thing that you have to work through, but putting your feet up doesn’t hurt. Also it’s day six and my left foot is still tingly from the epidural. Not entirely sure that is swelling related but I’m still throwing it out there.

If you’re thinking about having a baby, or you’re already on the way, hopefully this will give you a few things to expect after your bundle of fun arrives. Let me take a moment and get mushy, all these things are totally worth it. I have a new world and his name is Tucker. It’s the strangest thing, I’ve never thought I could feel this way about anything before.

Disclaimer: I’m not a doctor, totally not given medical advice, I’m simply speaking about my experience. Ask your doctor if your have ANY questions at all.

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