7 Not So Glamorous Things About Not Being Pregnant

Ok, grammar train wreck of a title aside, I had my baby! Woohoo! And now I’m not pregnant anymore obviously. So as my body comes to terms with not being a whale, (which I guess is good because I was tired of krill) I’m gonna go ahead and tell you all about the ahem, fun stuff you potentially get to deal with.

The Urge To Pee

Or lack thereof! After pushing a small melon out you may notice it deadens your senses. Specifically the sense that tells you it’s time to go. So to avoid peeing yourself, pencil it into your schedule. Every two hours is a good start if you’re the forgetful type. And try not to look at the potty before you’re actually sitting. Your bladder might not trigger the urge to go, but for some reason your brain can. Lovely.


About a month before, start stocking up. You’re uterus doesn’t need all the good stuff keeping baby safe and sound. So WHABLAM! Instant period. Every lady is different, but you’ll be bleeding a few weeks. I’m lucky my hubby works at a hospital, and has access to plenty of pads on the free side. But seriously stock up. Everyone is busy thinking about the babies needs, sometimes your postpartum needs don’t get thought about. Lady wipes are nice to have too so you don’t have to dip into your baby’s stock.

No More Sex

Say waaaaat? Just kidding, this one should be a given. Your doctor will want you to wait till they give you the clear. And you might not want to, it just depends on you. And that’s totally cool too. But if for some reason your libido is going haywire and you just can’t wait to jump the bones of your partner, you can still do other things ;). Just clear it with your doctor what you can do in the meantime. You’re still closing up down there, and the chance of infection is something to consider. Play it safe y’all.


And with good reason! You just had a baby! But I totally made the mistake of overdoing it and went grocery shopping two days after I had mine. I was on my feet for an hour or two but it totally exhausted me. Probably should have thought about that a bit more. Everyone is different (I had stitches- more on that in a minute) but it would be a good idea to pace yourself. Do your shopping before baby comes if you can to avoid having to get out and about.

All Stitched Up

Aaaand if you’re really unlucky, the suture fairy might need to pay a visit to your lower regions. If you have an episiotomy, I am reaaallllyy sorry for you dear. Mine tore, a 1 on a scale of 1-4. So I’m only mildly uncomfortable at this moment. But pain is pain. Doctor said no driving for two weeks, and to try and stay off my feet. It’s hard because I have random bursts of energy. Ask the doctor about a prescription for the pain, and milk of magnesia (to help with bathroom time) and take it easy. Baths probably should be avoided, especially if your stitches dissolve over time. Keep them clean and dry the best you can. And don’t lift anything heavier than your baby (Especially not at 33 pound bag of fertilizer. Just sayin’)

Bon Appetit!

I totally thought my appetite would decrease at least a little bit. Nerp, I still want mass amounts of food. Like half a red velvet cake with cream cheese icing in one day (Yeah I’m that naughty). But it’s totally justifiable because I gots to feed my baby right? RIGHT??? A nutritionist told me that as long as I eat a variety of foods, get my fruits and veggies I should be ok. Although sugary crap probably shouldn’t be eaten in excess.

Express Yourself!

The whole breastfeeding thing can be a lot harder than people let on. There’s so many things to factor in, baby position, proper latch, and so on. My nipples got bruised the first couple of days, and then lefty got swollen and engorged. I took a break for a day and gave my baby formula while I worked on hand expressing my bruised, swollen boobs. Engorgement is a very big possibility, so do the smart thing and buy at least a manual pump before baby comes. I waited until day 6, and trust me I was MISERABLE. I finally got a manual and my life is now sunshine and rainbows (and diapers). Some people say giving baby bottles will make him not want boobie. I’m not sure that’s entirely true, mine likes bottles, boob, and pacifier. I’m lucky he isn’t a picky dude, it gives me the opportunity to give my boobs a break, and feed him milk I’ve pumped. I might still be having latching issues, or breastfeeding might just be damn uncomfortable for me. But at least I’ve got options.

Bonus Exclusive on Swelling

I totally changed my mind about the epidural once my water broke and I felt a real contractions. I thank the good doctor for the drugs. I will have to give him a card or something. But after the three or four bags of fluids, and the medicine from the epidural, my feet turned to pillows and my fingers to sausages. Bring slippers in your go home bag, shoes might not be your thing. It’s a time thing that you have to work through, but putting your feet up doesn’t hurt. Also it’s day six and my left foot is still tingly from the epidural. Not entirely sure that is swelling related but I’m still throwing it out there.

If you’re thinking about having a baby, or you’re already on the way, hopefully this will give you a few things to expect after your bundle of fun arrives. Let me take a moment and get mushy, all these things are totally worth it. I have a new world and his name is Tucker. It’s the strangest thing, I’ve never thought I could feel this way about anything before.

Disclaimer: I’m not a doctor, totally not given medical advice, I’m simply speaking about my experience. Ask your doctor if your have ANY questions at all.



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