On Friendship

Ever notice how as your life changes people float in and out? A quick “hey” on Facebook is enough to keep in touch for some. But for others it isn’t so easy. I will admit if I didn’t see a friend in awhile, I would think they probably had other things going on and didn’t have time to put up with the long distance friendship package that is myself. So I would let them float like a message in a bottle, hoping that they’d find someone else to hear what they had to say. Someone who could be there.

I don’t like to be that way. I want to be friends, so much so that it makes me guilty that I’m not there to be a better friend. Maybe letting people float is easier than dealing with the guilt. I think to myself “Maybe someday when I get the money, I will make a trip to visit”. Who am I kidding? We are broke, and will probably be broke with this baby here for a good while. But nevertheless I dream of buying an RV (especially one of those super swank ones with showers and king size beds and an awesome kitchen), throwing my husband and gently placing my baby inside, and going on a Tour de Friends. I dream of traveling around the country and hanging out with everyone who’s friendship I cherish so much that it’s heartbreaking to not be able to see them every week, month, or year.

My friends mean a lot to me. I want to be able to keep up with each and every one of them. Sometimes it’s hard, I’ve had my fair share of changed numbers, and moved around quite a bit. The fact that most everyone I want to keep up with is at least a state away, sometimes on the other side of the country, makes it pretty hard. I planned trips, tried to visit. But then things came up. Like a baby. Or finances that didn’t quite work out. I was disappointed that I couldn’t go. I was disappointed in myself.

I felt like I had let people down. I felt like a bad friend. I knew I wasn’t. I knew I couldn’t help the things that came up. I wondered why they put up with me.

I realize now though, that’s what friends do. There are those people out there worth keeping up with, the ones who you grab on to so they don’t float away. Even if you think that you’re one big bucket of lame sauce, your friends think you are special. And that makes them worth it.

A good friend is really hard to come by. I’m so lucky that I have the ones I have. So I keep trying, keep planning those trips. Eventually one will work out, and my friends will forgive me for a the trips that don’t. I will keep in touch. I won’t let them float away.

A special thank you to Cassandra Schield who unknowingly taught me about myself and true friendship these past couple of days. I’m so lucky to know you.

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