Food for Thought- My First Real Garden

When we were kids in Texas me and my brothers and sisters planted a garden. It was a hot spring that year, I was only ten or so but I remember so well being excited for the watermelon that I hoped would grow. And grow it did, with the help of a soaker hose, the little melons were able to grow to the size of an egg. Then a blistering heat made it’s way through, and our poor melons withered and died.

Looking back I realized the soil was poor, we didn’t fertilize at all. How could it produce like the delightful blackberries that commanded the fence less than ten feet away? I honestly still know nothing about gardening. Maybe that’s a lie- I’ve learned a lot here recently. But most of my knowledge I got from Jessy.

This summer marks our fourth year being married, next month actually. In those four years we moved a lot, for one reason or another. Now we are back where it all started, (again) In Atoka Oklahoma. And as much as I want to get away from this place, as much as I long to live in the beautiful Oregon that I visited and fell in love with, I have decided that there’s absolutely no way I’m moving with my debt haunting me.

I’m moving with a clean slate. My repo will not haunt me anymore and my student loan will be gone. Our car will be paid off, and my credit cards as well. I will not reach my dream only to have it shattered and crushed by the burden I tow.

So since we are going to be here until I pay this debt, in our cute little house whose water heater could be a bit bigger, we went ahead and planted a garden. We germinated our seeds, then lost those germinated seeds to a jerk dog who likes to tear up hard work (the second year in a row she’s done this by the way. Jerk.). Then we took the plunge and bought a few plants that had already been started. Awesome idea.

We tilled the soil with a motorized tiller (Jessy’s family always has random machinery, if you ever need to use anything like a giant air pressure tank check there), and discovered how rocky and claylike the soil was. This soil is TERRIBLE. But for some reason, maybe the shade trees, and the fertilizing, and the watering, life found a way. And our garden grew! And now we have:


squash when the rabbits don’t eat them

broccoli that got too hot and flowered

cucumbers that we could have sworn were zucchini

One random carrot that managed to survive

Corn that probably won’t grow in time cause we planted them late


Oh and jalapeƱos that I don’t eat cause spicy

And I love it. The idea that you can step out back instead of going to the overpriced country store with moldy produce. And the plants produce ALOT. Way more than I would have thought they would.

Next year we have plans. Big plans. Like renting a bobcat, digging out a foot and a half of dirt in our garden plot, and replacing the soil with something not so rocky and claylike. We plan on being more organized with our planting, and actually marking what we have. And doing something about the rabbits (sorry animal lovers but I think tuck needs some fur boots).

These are our plans, what are yours?



How I Met Your Father- A Memoir For My Tucker

Sweet baby I love you. And I love your daddy too. No matter what happens I want you to know that you will be loved so so much.

Your daddy and I have been married for nearly four years. In that time we have fought, made up, cried, laughed, loved, and maybe even hated a bit. But that’s ok because we will continue to learn each other and grow closer. And as long as I have you and daddy, my family will be complete.

I met your daddy when I was just a little girl, he came to my school when I was ten years old. When I was in the seventh grade I had a science class with him. The teacher was teaching about fire. Your daddy said “if you spill gasoline on your shoe and it catches fire, running will make it worse”. I knew he was speaking from experience. In that moment I knew I loved him. (Tucker don’t play with fire, just because daddy did it doesn’t make it ok).

When I was a teenager daddy asked me to be his girlfriend. But then he moved away to Oklahoma. The day he left he asked for a hug. And I didn’t hug him. I was angry he was going. I didn’t want him to leave. We were just kids with no control over things. It wasn’t fair. I broke your daddy’s heart that day.

But a few years later I came up to Oklahoma. My good friend Cassy drove me as soon as college let out for the summer. I saw your daddy. I knew I loved him. That evening, as I was getting ready to sleep on your grandmas couch, your daddy and I hugged. He hugged me so hard, and when I went to pull away he hugged harder. He didn’t have to say anything. I knew he loved me. I knew he needed me. I decided to stay and be with your daddy.

Sometimes when I’m mad at daddy, I think about that hug and it reminds me of how much your daddy loves me. It doesn’t matter what we say or do. We both know the truth. We both know that we will always love each other no matter what.

I love you Tucker, just as much as I love your daddy.


I’m sorry baby

I’ve been offered a job. Nothing huge, just cashiering at a travel plaza. We could really use the money. Like OMG. I don’t like to complain about money. I don’t like people to know that I’m getting assistance. It’s not that there’s anything wrong with getting help when you need it. But I reallllyyy hate asking. If it were just me and Jess, I wouldn’t care. Id stick it out. But now that Tucks here it’s a different story. So yeah I could use a job. So that we can support ourselves. So that we don’t have to ask for help.

But it means they I have to be away from my baby.

And it really upsets me. I have to leave him at my in laws house. Not that there’s anything particularly wrong with my in laws. But what if he doesn’t love me as much if I’m gone eight hours out of the day? Oh god I’m crying.

Jessy and I want so badly to move away from here and settle down in a place we can call our own. I’ve compromised and agreed to live in Oklahoma for a bit. I don’t really like it here though (I’m soooooo miserable). It’s soooo rural, the small town grocery store is so expensive, and I haven’t seen a Target in months! I don’t think the schools in this area are good, and there aren’t it of opportunities for the kids. It’s an area with a lot of closed mindedness. It’s an area where people think it’s ok to dump dogs on the dirt roads. I’d even venture to say that this area has a problem with racism.

Therefore, I’m setting the goal of venturing to our forever place by August of next year. There’s just something about the notion that I’m turning 25 that makes me realize how little I have my life together. Something has to change.

I’m so sorry Tucker Baby. I’m sorry I didn’t have it together when you came along. I’m sorry that I have to leave you for a bit each day. I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry.

But Tucker Baby, I want good things for you. I want to raise you in a place where you will have the opportunities to follow your dreams and succeed. I want you to have every opportunity to learn as much as you can. And I just don’t think I can give you that here.

I’m so sorry baby. It’s going to be rough. But mummy loves you and she wants the best for you. So spend some time with your Grandma, because we are moving away in a year, even if I have to save every cent I earn.